Inspirational Quotes

199 Mark Twain Quotes to Inspire Life, Humor, and Wisdom

7 August 2025 - By sandeeprawat02

Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!

✅ Mark Twain Quotes

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.”
“A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.”
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.”
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.”
“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”
“Honesty is the best policy—when there is money in it.”
“Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.”
“Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.”
“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life.”
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
“We are all alike, on the inside.”
“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.”
“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
“Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.”
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.”
“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
“You cannot depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.”
“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”
“There are lies, damned lies and statistics.”
“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”
“Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“A full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.”
“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”
“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”
“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
“When in doubt, tell the truth.”
“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir… mighty scarce.”
“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”

✅ Mark Twain Quotes

“Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain’t so.”
“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.”
“When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.”
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”
“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
“An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.”
“You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.”
“All emotion is involuntary when genuine.”
“The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin.”
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”
“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”
“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.”
“Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”
“What gets us into trouble is not what we don’t know. It’s what we know for sure that just ain’t so.”
“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.”
“Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.”
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”
“I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.”
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
“Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.”
“To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.”
“There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.”
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.”
“Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”
“All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.”
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell—you see, I have friends in both places.”
“There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”
“There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it.”
“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”
“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
“Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.”
“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”
“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
“A man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”
“Life does not consist mainly—or even largely—of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one’s mind.”
“It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”
“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
“Prosperity is the best protector of principle.”
“There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.”
“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor.”
“There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one—keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.”
“I can promise you that women working together – linked, informed, and educated – can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.”
“Life is short, break the rules.”
“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”
“Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.”
“Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.”
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.”
“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”
“Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics.”
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
“I would rather have my ignorance than another man’s knowledge, because I have got so much more of it.”
“When you cannot get a compliment in any other way, pay yourself one.”
“There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.”
“There is no sadder thing than a young cynic, because he goes from knowing nothing to believing nothing.”
“A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”
“Do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
“Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
“Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.”
“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”
“Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet.”
“To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.”
“You can’t break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You’ve got to walk it slowly down the stairs.”
“I am not an American. I am the American.”
“Don’t let your schooling interfere with your education.”
“To believe yourself brave is to be brave.”
“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.”
“Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself.”
“Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.”
“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”
“I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.”
“There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no independence quite so important, as living within your means.”
“Let your sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight—this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one—this is business.”
“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.”
“An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.”
“To be busy is man’s only happiness.”
“The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.”
“Be good and you will be lonesome.”
“The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.”
“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”
“There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined.”
“I like criticism. But it must be my way.”
“I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.”
“Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.”
“I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”
“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“Life is just one damned thing after another.”
“He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it—namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.”
“Virtue has never been as respectable as money.”
“The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”
“Necessity is the mother of taking chances.”
“Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others—his last breath.”
“Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.”
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
“Be careful what you read because that is what you’ll write.”
“Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.”
“An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.”
“Out of the unconscious depths of the soul, the poet’s song springs.”
“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.”
“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.”
“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.”
“One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.”
“We recognize a kindred spirit by the harmlessness of its amusement.”
“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead.”
“Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“We ought never to do wrong when people are looking.”
“My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water.”
“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”
“A man’s private thought can never be a lie; what he thinks is to him the truth, always.”
“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”
“No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.”
“There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”
“Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.”
“Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.”
“How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.”
“To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”
“All kings is mostly rapscallions.”
“Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”
“No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.”
“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.”
“Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.”
“The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.”
“If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”
“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
“The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”
“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”
“Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.”
“Don’t ever try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
“I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.”
“I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.”
“It is easier to stay out than get out.”
“I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”